


All this (and love, too) will ruin us

by wheatfields



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe - Royalty, Angst, Angst and Humor, Angst and Romance, Atsumu is not a good guy here he is a very bad king sigh, Enemies to Lovers, Friends to Enemies, Implied Sexual Content, Implied/Referenced Dubious Consent, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Inappropriate Humor, M/M, Sacrifice, and kita i'm sorry too :((, angst with an ending, apparently that tag exists!!!!!, friends to enemies to friends to lovers... idk you'll see, i am so sorry???, love you tsumu i'm sorry :(, phallic jokes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-24
Updated: 2021-02-24
Packaged: 2021-03-14 11:28:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,252
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29666586
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wheatfields/pseuds/wheatfields
Summary: Atsumu is a king driven mad with hunger. Shinsuke is his best knight who only wants to save Atsumu from himself.To be saved by love, or to be ruined by it — to take that risk is the biggest sacrifice of all.
Relationships: Kita Shinsuke/Miya Atsumu
Comments: 10
Kudos: 33
Collections: Atsukita Week, Haikyuu!! Apocalypse Week





	All this (and love, too) will ruin us

**Author's Note:**

  * For [fromstardust](https://archiveofourown.org/users/fromstardust/gifts).



> thank you so much to zerah for beta-ing this! your love/background in royalty aus and angst was a big help hehe.
> 
> also, listen, the last thing i wanted to do was write atsukita angst, but the atsukita week day 2 prompts were sacrifice + royalty au + quote: “even when your sword plunges a hole in my heart, i will still love you whole”, so how could i not??
> 
> haikyuu apocalypse week is also happening at the same time and the day 2 prompts ALSO had “sacrifice” (+ authoritarian regime + night watch) so i thought, why not combine everything? (kinda skipped out on authoritarian since we already had a royal tho.)
> 
> anyway, mind the warnings! i hope you somewhat enjoy this story, still. :) fic graphic [here](https://twitter.com/kitsumushoyo/status/1364418710044241920).

Once upon a time in an empire now forgotten, there was a king who sought to be _The_ King, the one to rule over the 11 realms.

They called him the King of Memories, for once his soldiers had finished with your land, memories were all you had left to cherish — second only to the breath in your lungs.

There came a point when this king had lost count of just how much his armies had taken at his command; for this king, the amount never truly mattered as long as it was _all of it_. Over the years, he grew more and more powerful, and less and less loved. Sometimes one would wonder which begat which; if the lack of love caused the hunger for everything else.

His hunger had always been insatiable, in bloodthirst and greed first and foremost — yet perhaps another force of hunger to be reckoned with was his lust. But no matter the source of appetite, when His Majesty King Atsumu hungered, he expected to be served. 

The king’s night watch was not a position any soldier with honor wanted to be assigned to. While some were somewhat drawn to it because of the proximity to the king, those who desired after the role were looked upon with disdain.

It was a twisted way to serve the king. Rumors of his ever-changing roster of night watch guards travelled far and wide across the kingdom, as did talk of how he took what he wanted from the obliging men or women, and tossed them aside once he grew bored of them.

Until one man came along, and stayed.

This knight, Shinsuke, was unlike most others — he upheld a deep sense of self-respect, and an even deeper sense of duty. He was the perfect soldier, in both his combat skills and leadership on the battlefield.

Everyone who knew of him was baffled by his appointment to the night watch. _Surely there was a better use of his skills?_

That was until people noticed: the night watch had completely ceased its rotation. Then, new rumors began to make the rounds — King Atsumu had supposedly fallen in love. And supposedly, for the first time in a long time, he was loved back.

The town gossips loved to claim that what made the falling easy was their shared history. Shinsuke had grown up together with Crown Prince Atsumu and his twin brother, Prince Osamu. Since childhood, all of their paths had been intertwined in some way, even as Osamu chose to fade into the background, focusing on life away from the throne.

From the day they’d met as children until even after his coronation as a young man, Atsumu had admired Shinsuke, yet he never knew what to do with that affection but to express it as respect. Atsumu would eventually knight Shinsuke — the biggest honor a king could give. And perhaps Shinsuke becoming the last guard of the night watch was his way of returning Atsumu’s affection.

The people thought, then, that maybe Shinsuke could make the king turn away from his old, hateful ways; that the change they had all been hoping for would soon be on the horizon: the end of war and the start of peace.

For a time, they were right. The king Atsumu seemed like just another man in love. And it was love that made him blind to this, too:

That one day, his beloved Shinsuke would be the one to put an end to him and all his ruin.

* * *

“Must I keep my clothes on, love? If you wanted to try something new in the bedroom you could have just asked. You know I’ve always been open to do your bidding.” With the way Atsumu spoke with his usual confidence, one would never guess that he had been tied tightly to a chair.

“Stop talking.”

Atsumu looked deep into Shinsuke’s eyes to try to make sense of the situation. He’d always felt he’d understood the man in front of him quite well; he had known Shinsuke for a great many years and in many different ways — as a friend to a friend, as a king to his knight, as one lover to another, and as… well, Atsumu didn’t quite know how to describe what this was, exactly.

What do you call it when the one that you love is the one holding a blade against your throat?

“Funny. When you walked in, I was going to ask if that was a dagger in your pocket or if you were just—”

“ _Enough_ ,” Shinsuke said through gritted teeth.

“Hm?”

“I cannot go on like this.”

Atsumu was an attentive man. He had memorized so many of Shinsuke’s expressions so well that he could paint them with his eyes closed. And Shinsuke’s eyes — Atsumu would know them anywhere. But the look in those eyes in this moment… the pain they held was unrecognizable.

“When I told you that you’d be the death of me someday, I hadn’t exactly imagined a literal scenario.”

Atsumu leaned against the backrest. Shinsuke let him speak, but his hold on the hilt of the dagger did not waver.

“I suppose I _have_ thought about this moment. Being assassinated. As king, you tend to think about this sort of thing.”

Shinsuke rolled his eyes, exasperated. Leave it to Atsumu to be cocky as ever, even in the face of death.

“Not my ideal way to go, though I do prefer it to a public execution. Much more intimate. And in some strange way, I am thankful it’s you.”

“How can you say such a thing and bear to look at me with such sincerity in your eyes,” Shinsuke bit out, voice flat and unamused.

“I would like to think that’s the only way my eyes have looked when I’ve spoken to you.”

Shinsuke paused before replying. “And I, with you.”

Atsumu had it in him to smile. “And while I would have much rather preferred your _other_ sword… at least this blade is yours and not anyone else’s.”

Shinsuke finally allowed himself to huff out a laugh. “Have you finished with the phallism?”

“Well, now that I’ve finally gotten you to crack a smile again, I suppose I’m satisfied.”

Shinsuke sighed, shaking his head. He was tired.

“What’s wrong?”

Shinsuke saw Atsumu looking up at him with something akin to concern and laughed, bitterly, despite himself. “My dagger is all but piercing your flesh and _you_ are asking _me_ what’s wrong?”

Atsumu shrugged, as much as he could with his restraints. “You could lower it for now, I don’t think I can go anywhere with how tightly you’ve tied these.” He squirmed against the ropes in demonstration.

“No,” Shinsuke pressed on.

“And why not?”

“Because.” _I’m afraid if I lower this blade, I won’t have the strength to raise it again,_ Shinsuke thought. “This shouldn’t take long,” he said instead.

“Alright. Go on and do it then.”

“Without an explanation? I thought you would feel I owed you one.”

“If you want to give me one, go ahead. But I accepted my fate the moment you walked in.”

Shinsuke paused, gathering his thoughts. “You know that I am most loyal to my sense of duty and what I believe is right. I made that decision long ago.”

Atsumu nodded. “It’s what makes you my best knight.”

“When we were younger, you shared with me your plan to unite the 11 kingdoms. Your eyes shone whenever you spoke of this vision. I saw you filled with purpose, and no one believed in you more than I did. Maybe that was my first mistake.

Since you ascended the throne, my only wish was for a better world. And after all these years, I finally accepted that the Atsumu I knew with the light in his eyes, the Atsumu who shone when he spoke of the one true kingdom was gone. You cared more about your kingship than your kingdom. And so when Osamu reached out to me with an idea—”

“I should have known he would have something to do with it.” Atsumu was all but snarling. “May I ask you a question, Shinsuke? You once told me you had “always” loved me — did that come before or after you decided to conspire against me with my own brother?”

Shinsuke had expected this venom. But it stung all the same.

“Is that why you… entered the night watch in the first place?” Suddenly, Atsumu’s voice was softer than Shinsuke had ever heard it.

Shinsuke nodded, unable to look Atsumu in the eye. “I thought that, maybe, the Atsumu I knew could come back. That my precious memory of you could become reality once again. That I could bring that light back and save you from yourself. But I suppose I overestimated myself.

It’s strange how every moment I spent away from you, all these years, I had tried to push myself as far away as possible. But look where I ended up. Look at what it did to us.”

Silence permeated the room, suffocating them both until Atsumu whispered, “So why are you doing this? I… thought you loved me. Do you no longer—”

“It is _because_ I love you that I do this. I cannot bear to see you turn into someone I cannot love.”

At this admission, Atsumu’s eyes filled with tears and Shinsuke felt his grip on the blade falter.

“Shinsuke, I’m so sorry,” Atsumu uttered. “I wish I could have been better for you.”

That was the end of Shinsuke’s resolve. Pulling the blade away from Atsumu’s neck, he sliced through his restraints. Then he held Atsumu’s face in his hands and kissed him, their faces both wet with tears.

Atsumu held Shinsuke tight in his embrace. “Am I a fool to say that I don’t regret any of it, if it led you into my arms? It doesn’t even matter to me anymore. No matter what you choose, even if it means my death, I will still love you with all of me.”

“I wish you wouldn’t say that,” Shinsuke said against Atsumu’s chest.

“Why? It’s true.”

Shinsuke shook his head. “Your heart could never truly be mine, despite your words. There is too much greed and spite and bloodlust for love to have any room there.”

“Believe what you will. It might have been true at one point, but that would have been a time before we met again. My heart could never be anyone else’s. Not even mine. It is yours,” Atsumu professed. “So take it. Whichever way you must. Or you will only doom us both.”

Shinsuke sighed. “Your death… will it be your sacrifice or mine?”

“I imagine the better question is which of us is making the bigger sacrifice.”

“You’re making it sound like a competition.”

“And you sound surprised because…?”

Shinsuke huffed out a small laugh, then collected himself to do what he came for. He reached into the satchel around his waist and brought out purple blossoms.

“So the dagger was just for show?” Atsumu quipped, trying to lighten the mood.

“No, I… had this as backup just in case.”

Atsumu nodded. “Is that…?”

“Nightshade, yes.”

“Okay.”

Atsumu moved to sit on the bed as Shinsuke plucked the berries from the stems. Atsumu knew better than to ask if there was enough for two.

Atsumu took the berries from Shinsuke obediently and fell back onto the pillows. Shinsuke followed, laying next to him.

They stayed there for a while, their breaths the only sound between them. Shinsuke closed his eyes to commit the sound to his memory.

“By the way,” Atsumu said softly, “Poison aside, this is my ideal way to go. In my sleep, in the arms of the one I love.”

Shinsuke hummed and pressed a kiss to Atsumu’s forehead.

“Shinsuke… ‘m gettin’ sleepy.”

Shinsuke held Atsumu a little tighter. “Good night, Atsumu.”

“Love you.”

“I love you.”

* * *

Shinsuke woke to a chill; the body next to him completely devoid of warmth.

If he closed his eyes, he could pretend that the winter air was at fault for the icy hand he was still holding.

It was still dark out. He would deal with this later.

At sunrise, he would have to bury the light.

* * *

Morning came as it always did, and the crowds cheered like hope had been restored to them, as if no light and no joy had been lost from Shinsuke’s life.

“You did the right thing,” Osamu said, standing next to Shinsuke. “The 11 realms can be united now, the way they should have been from the beginning.”

Shinsuke just stared wordlessly at the stone on the ground.

“How did he… did he go peacefully?”

Shinsuke nodded, eyes still fixed downward. “In his sleep. I ended up going with the berries instead of the blade.”

Osamu acknowledged this with a nod of his own. “How are you feeling?”

“Like I should get rid of the remaining nightshade in my satchel before I use it on myself.” He continued to avoid eye contact, lest he see something familiar. “I didn’t expect for this to be this hard.”

“It was never going to be easy. You loved him, Shinsuke. And despite what you tell yourself, you know that he truly loved you, too. That love… just wasn’t enough to save him.”

To be saved by love, or to be ruined by it — to take that risk is the biggest sacrifice of all.

In the end, there isn’t much difference.

**Author's Note:**

> i’m so sorry, i don’t know why i did that to my #1 comfort ship :( but either way, i hope you liked this fic somehow!
> 
> btw, the title is taken from richard siken’s “scheherazade” — ain’t it a punch in the gut?
> 
> feel free to yell at me in the comments or on [twitter](https://twitter.com/kitsumushoyo) / [curiouscat](https://curiouscat.me/kitsumushoyo), i probably deserve it! lol


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